Motorcycling for fun and profit.

This is God having his little jokes with me again. Ive recently moved into the noisiest place Ive ever lived. Dogs barking non stop (and me with no firearms..) Builder next door with a skilly at 8am for a week, and trucks going backwards for weeks down the local park( beeep,, beeep,, beeep...)... and I get done for noise....

On the way home last Thursday night I was lucky enough to be stopped by the Highway Patrol. I was cruising home up the Pathetic Highway just past Gordon, and stopped at the lights at the intersection with Ryde Road. I was in the left hand lane and the cops were in the far right hand lane. As the lights changed I took off slowly and had the good fortune to sit beside them for a few yards till a semi came round the corner in front of me, so I sat behind that for a while.The poolice appeared to turn right and after passing the truck ambled on towards Hornsby and the F3. Thanks at them f ing off was shortlived as the red and blue lights of doom soon went on behind me. Pull over and stop, and Herr officer asks why the bikes not blue and silver. Cos i just painted it.Obviously he's expecting to find something that doesnt belong to me and proceeds to write down the gearbox number thinking its the engine number. I point him to the correct location while his mate is kind enough to let me blow in the little plastic straw. As I dont partake afore riding no more, I blow zero, but confuse the situation by stumbling onto the footpath due to too much bulk on old injuries. The shaven headed one dissappears to his car for about 20 f ing minutes while I chat to his mate whos trying to smoke a cigarette on the Pacific Highway without the public seeing.

This many plates,no way legal.

Upon his majesties emergence from his cage, he informs me Im getting a defect for my aftermarket pipes cos theyre not labelled, and because its Easter hes throwing in a $200 fine so I cant buy the kids anymore Easter eggs...Shit. Had these pipes on for ten years without a problem, cos the label was always on the swingarm,.... till I painted it.Hmm that was bright..

After a few other pleasantries, but no more tickets,I was off home.

Upon perusal of the defect the next day, it seemed all I needed was a label, then I could get the defect cleared ( 7 days to do it or they can deregister ya etc...).

After 20 phone calls find there are labels available at MAS at Parramatta and American Thunder at Nth Sydney. Expecting to buy a label and stick it on , then go get the defect cleared I ride down to Nth Sydney on Wednesday.Aah this aint that easy...the little $20 envelope with label informs me I have to get the bike noise tested, ffs ,at a Noise Testing Station ,then get the label engraved, then stick it on the muffler,(which aint gonna work, itll need rivetting..)then get the defect cleared at an inspection station, then take/post the defect clearance back to the RTA.

Well the first problem is the bike wont pass any noise test. It aint the loudest Ive heard, but it aint too quiet either. Finally discover that the 2 into one pipeIve got is the same as a Supertrapp at the end, and will take the same plates and end cap.Course I find this out after putting in a smaller holed plate behind my existing one and it making no discernible difference for a hours work.

All this for this little label

A good mate lends me about 20 plates and an end cap so I threw those on yesterday arvo. Hmm again, still loud. Put in only 5 plates and its a lot quieter. take it for a ride first thing this morning and its going ok, tho running a little rich. Make an appointment with the testing station about 20ks away. Ride up, and the first test is 102dB...7 over. Pull 3 plates out, still 100dB.

Just the end cap on and it passes ( woohoo!)but barely wants to run, and Im worried its gonna blow the exhausts off the bike, there f all room for any exhaust gasses to come out anywhere...However I leave like that missing and farting( mostly the bike) and stop down the road and throw a few plates back in so I can ride home. The noise guy told me that if I was to be done for noise again on the same vehicle I can be up for a $10k fine, cos these tickets go to the EPA, who can fine you as well if ya get done again.Welcome to Germany 1935.

Next job get the plate engraved, no biggy, local shop done in 20 minutes.

Then go to a testing station for the pink slip/defect clearance. Ho Hum.. cant find the place cos the street numberings stuffed.Get there after 20 minutes going round in circles in the heat.( hey its April, whats happening with this weather?)

No problem here either, get the right paperwork, so Im off home again.

Its now 2:30 and Ive been doing this since 8 this morning. So far its cost $200 fine, $33 noise test, $20 for the label, $14 for the engraving,$15 for the pink slip and about 2 days and 500km running around, and I still havent attached the plate or been to the RTA.

I wont mention nearly killing myself twice on my steep as driveway in the gravel at the kerb cos its too embarrassing.

I just rang a guy who makes custom mufflers, cos Id like to be legal-ish and still have performance, but it seems its a near impossibility. V- twins take a lot of baffling to quite em down, and that robs horsepower. So I guess we're all gonna be pushing the envelope unless we're running stock pipes.....