Hospitals are fun!      

Fortunately for me ,Ive only had one accident bad enough to put me in hossy......1999.

Thursday night, 9oclock Parramatta Road and this idiot tries to beat three lanes of oncoming traffic, as the lights change, doing a right hand turn. I was just drifting to the light watching the other directions turn red, and as mine turned green I booted it, right into the side of the idiots Commodore. Thru the air I sailed,  graceful as a hippo, taking the time to count my arms and legs before I unceremoniously landed on my back on the other side of the intersection. Well that knocked the wind out of me, and I found I couldn't move without some rather major pain in my back...I could see my bike resting in the intersection where it connected the car, but minus the front tend that was now 20 meters up the road. I managed to pull my mobile phone out and rang back to the pad, to get the boys to bring a ute...Some kind motorists had stopped, and called an ambulance for me, and they turned up about 10 minutes later. My mates turned up as they struggled with only 6 men  to lift me onto a stretcher...and they grabbed my colours off me that I managed to slip off before  being inside the four wheeled vehicle...

The trip to hossy was fun, first over the median strip, and then over every other bump in Sydney's less than perfect roads making me wince.

Get to hospital and as they're wheeling me in I've got a camera in my face...they're filming for RPA...oh so this is how Ill get my 15 minutes of fame...

Anyway Ive got a broken pelvis, crushed vertebrae, and christ knows what else, so its my own room and the morphine button for a few days, during which time they stick a shiny plate in me( I asked for chrome) so I don't fall to bits when I walk. The button was good when a visitor bored me too much, 3 quick pushes and off to noddy land. Trouble was I got some mean nightmares on that stuff...why I couldn't have dreamt of being trapped in the Playboy mansion I don't know...

The cameras fucked off cos the doc doing my op didnt want em poking in around my dangerously swollen private bits,( in case he fucked something up I reckon..) so there went my fame....

After 4 days or so, they can tell I'm enjoying myself too much, so they pull out a few tubes and wheel me round to meet my new room mates. Cant remember any names, due to the fact I didnt give a fuck...I was in a bed furthest from  the door , in a room of 4, 2 each side. Next to me was a big old fella that was pretty sick, to the extent that in the middle of the night they would regularly come in and perform some life saving procedure when he stopped breathing, or got a bit too close for comfort. Whatever trouble he had with breathing thru his mouth tho, the problem didn't seem to extend to his ass. That man could fart. The loudest and the longest Ive ever heard....I swear he could give lessons...Christ the curtains round his bed used to move when he let one off.....I kept expecting to see a lighthouse somewhere...

That not being pleasant enough, diagonally opposite me was some poor soul who better belonged in a cage....He'd walked out in front of a car, as they didn't have them in whichever imaginary world he lived in, and had both legs broken...So he was plastered up, drugged up and fucked up...Didn't speak English, and spent 90% of his waking hours  either trying to rip off his plasters or masturbate himself to death...One night he gets out of bed naked after struggling to get up for a while, and uses his bedside cabinet, which is on wheels, as a leaning post to go to the toilet which is in the corner of the room. He looks like he'll kill himself if he slips so I call the orderly with my button, By the time the orderly's arrived he's happily ensconced upon the bog, albeit with the door open...The orderly happens to be this 40 something yr old women who must be 80+ kilos, and built like the proverbial brick shithouse.She asks him if he's ok, and he attacks her from the seated position, while yelling at her to fuck off...possibly the only English he knew...he somehow managed to get his hands round her neck and is busy trying to put her out of her misery....She breaks free, and runs off for another orderly and eventually they get him back to bed. Fuck how I wished I had private health cover...

Directly opposite me was vacant for a few days then they wheeled this young guy about 20 in. Happy as fuck he was...two smashed ankles from crashing a stolen car I heard...He used to give all the staff shit for the first few days, then realised he needed them for necessities such as changing his arse, and feeding him. Became almost pleasant eventually.

After 11 days I could go home, So in comes the misuss with the truck, and home I went.  

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