Seamus
Seamus wasnt exactly thick ,just a little unworldly shall we say.. and as you might guess from the name ,Irish..a good welder as it happened..We were working together installing a lift in a 3 story building in Wellington NZ when he came in one day complaining about this full length leg graze he got at softball on the weekend. It was a beauty, all the way from the top of his thigh down to his ankle. It was pretty sore, but I got sick of hearing about it fairly quickly. I was facing away from him, coz I cant keep a straight face, and said "ya know whats good for that dont ya?" "No what?" he replied
"chillie powder " says me still not looking at him, but expecting a "haha get F!@#ed". Instead he says "Whats that?" I couldnt believe he didnt know what it was, but I said :"Its a natural healing herb, you get it at woolies or a supermarket, good for cuts and things" I cant look around now, cracking up, so kept working away in the corner.....
"Really?" he goes, '"jees Ill go and get some.." "whats it called again?" I tell him again, and he trots off down the shop....
Ten minutes later he's back with a jar of chillie powder..."so what do I do with it?" he says..... showing considerable restraint I have to look at him and say "just sprinkle it on..."
"Yr not having me on are ya"? he goes? " course not" I reply, stifling my laughter yet again...
He drops his overalls and I cant watch as he sprinkles the red powder on his leg....
He puts the overalls back on and paces back and forth a bit...."jees feels ok.."
"Good" I just manage to get out...
A few minutes later he says " its starting to sting a bit"
"Thats just natural, itll go numb soon" I say turning away again.... He's getting a bit suspicious as it gets sorer, and Brian turns up delivering us a chain block.
Seamus corrals him as he walks thru the door and says " Dont look at him...(meaning me..) but if you had a bad grass burn, would you put chillie powder on it?"
Brian laughs loudly and replies, "of course I would!" Seamus looks at me , now doubled over, and calls me something obscene and rushes towards the toilets...He comes back in a few minutes not very happy, course he did the worst thing and tried to wash the powder off which just soaked it in.... Apparently its now very hot... Me and Brian are pissing ourselves as quietly as possible seeing its an office building.... Seamus moans and groans, doubting my parentage, but sort of sees the funny side of it. I say he should go down the chemist and get some creme for it, so off he trots. He comes back and tells us that everyone in the chemists was laughing at him when he told them what hed done...
We finished off the day, but he doesnt come in for 2 days.
The third day he turns up, and Cliff the supervisor who drops in occasionally notes he's limping round a bit. He asks him whats wrong and Seamus tells him he hurt it at softball.
"have ya seen a doctor ? asks Cliff. "Na, says Seamus, havent had time" "Any Doctors round here?" Cliff asks me. I know theres a group of docs up on the corner, but I wouldnt normally go to them...
"Yeah theres one up the road" I say
"Take old Seamus up there will you "says Cliff
I agree and shortly wander up the road with Seamus.... We come to the rooms and the doctors names are emblazoned on brass.
DR A. SUESS ( or something..) OBSTET
DR R. KILDARE GYN
Seamus points to the abbreviations at the end of the names and says suspiciously "whats that mean?"
"Thats just where they went to school" I say nearly clutching my sides....He goes inside, I hurry back to work before I wet myself...
He comes back 5 minutes later...."there was all these shielas with little glass jars..." hes laughing, "The woman said "what can we do for you?", and I said "Ive got a sore leg...""
"I think youd better see your own doctor " she told him...
Anyway 22 odd years later Im still getting mileage out of that little gem....Funny thing was 18 months later someone read an article in Readers Digest saying that chillie was good for cuts etc...so Im not such an asshole after all.....